Monday Ramble #64 The Reason For The SaviorPosted: September 3, 2012
Monday Ramble #64 The Reason For The Savior
“I started writing this EP, the eighth installment in The Rent Tape Series with the feeling that I could be some sort of savior of the rap game. I listen to the radio and I hear the music that is popular and I get the feeling that there’s nothing that is thought-provoking, honest or soul-nurturing and although I can’t change the whole game, I wanted to spark a revolution.
I don’t know what that revolution would be but I imagined what Tupac would do today musically to co-exist with Rick Ross and Lil Wayne in the mainstream and started to compose an EP. Then all of a sudden I realized that I myself needed saving as I noticed my focus was on things and people I cannot control. So some songs regard myself as a savior, others admit my own need for salvage, and finally I learn acceptance and I receive what is. As confusing as that may sound, that is…The Savior.”
I wrote that in an attempt to explain my mission with The Savior. After reading it today it still feels accurate, but I have to be honest with you all. I woke up to Instagram photos of Rock The Bells, Made In America, I saw the flyer for the A3C festival with multiple names in bold print (minus mine), I am totally aware that the BET Hip-Hop Awards are around the corner and I can’t help but feel slightly uncertain about what I’m doing.
I wondered if I made the right choice to sell these EPs as opposed to reaching more people by making them free on datpiff.com or posting them on all the blogsites. Then I snapped out of it once I read what I wrote. I know that anyone can get any music for free on the Internet. I know that I didn’t do this series with a motive that would land me on some fancy show with people that I once shared stages with and did songs with. I chose to speak directly to my fans, supporters and people that know what it’s like to have a passion and have rent to pay. Some things just are the way they are.
Even though I wrote, “Affecting the agenda of these excellent pretenders,
I fell off and got reborn and since I exited placenta,
I injected more testosterone ‘cause estrogen was entering
the game and I just came through like the X-Men or Avengers…” on Save The Day Part 2 with Torae produced by IllMind, I know that I may only spark the thought that will bring balance to a genre that is altered forever.
Torae got busy on that song as we infused superheroes and villains in the verses to make a point that this game needed saving.
Some days I feel like it does need salvaging but when I see Slaughterhouse getting love and Nas moving units I think that the next generation is not going to be as lost as we may think.
“It’s kinda hard ‘cause I know that I been chosen
like I’m Shonuff with the glow
but when my foes and these opposers bring up effort matching doe,
I feel, I feel exposed like I been thrown out in the cold,
like it’s been snowing on my soul but I been shouldering the globe…”
The Chosen featuring Nino Bless and Cambatta was supposed to be one of those just non-stop rapper songs. I can’t remember what I felt when I started writing this one but I wanted it to feel like one fleeting thought that just kept changing and I wanted it to remind you of a ramble. Nino mentioned he heard the imperfections in my verse and I told him I did it all in one take straight through in the studio and I intended it to feel that way.
Do I really feel chosen? I think we all are. I don’t believe rap music is my final destination but on this path I am on right now, I am not forcing the words, I don’t sit and write for hours, I don’t treat this like work when it comes to creating. That part of it reminds me of something divine. It’s almost like I’m tapping into a memory of thoughts that already existed and whether the picture is painted clearly or received well is not the most important part of the art. That is my gift and curse I believe. I love what Nino and Cambatta did with it as well. Watch out for them.
The funny thing about photographs is they capture a moment. They make you reflect and give a distinct visual to a time and place that may have been in your head. I look at them and think of the past, I think of the future, and sometimes I even think of right now. But how hard is it to be happy and accept what is in front of you? How difficult is it to not look forward to your next vacation, your next new love, your next meal, or the weekend, or 5PM?
“If you’re breathing now, then why you harbor on tomorrow then,
I’m guilty of it too, so I’m trying to help me by helping you…”
The Day Before Tomorrow produced by Radio Maschine sums up the ideology that right now is the only moment that matters. I mentioned that if we all had one wish, we would probably wish for another two wishes. It makes sense, but it says something about the “plastic on the couch” theory. Most of us don’t believe our Creator will grant us the ability to get another couch if this one gets stained. Of course we should have a plan for the future but at no point should we ignore what is before us. Yet we do.
“Call me a rider that let go my pride
and is no longer hiding his vulnerable side,
I just get in a vibe where my spirit collides
with my hunger and drive and it’s more than just rhymes…”
Good God featuring Imyounik produced by Jaisu is one of those compositions where I was venting and flowing at the same time trying to match style with substance equally. Imyounik did the same thing on her verse and I believe this is an extension of The New Me. I talk myself out of negative thoughts and it’s at this spot in the EP that I begin to question if I am qualified to save anything.
Which brings me to the song that I leaked to the blogs entitled Hellbound produced by Agor. Some sites have described this one as dark and demented, and I had to listen again to understand what they meant. I wrote it so fast that I never paid attention to the topics I touched on. I didn’t realize there was violence, homophobia, hate, love, blah blah blah, and death threats. I just talked about speaking to my deceased father in rap form and receiving and answer back, I spoke on a fictional pregnant ex-girl that I wanted to injure, then I ended up reaching a place where I
“Left Earth and I entered Venus,
rebirthed I been intervening in the lives of broken wives,
beaten down like Tina, river deep, mountain high, look at my new demeanor I’m angelic, the single’s saying something, I can’t sell it,
2 Chainz popping I’m mad jealous, I’m Hellbound.”
Let’s hope I’m not really going to hell even though I asked God if he’s really around on Are You There produced by Pezey Krack.
This one is pretty self-explanatory and it contains some anecdotes that make me question whether or not there is someone out there watching over us. Don’t take this too seriously. I really just like commenting on the state of the world without sounding like I’m removed from it all.
Acceptance is the true answer to it all. It’s the final level of life in my opinion. It is the time when one looks at what happens and reacts to it with joy, pain, hurt, love, hate, and then understands that whatever it is, is just that. I-20’s song produced by DJ Pain1 called God’s Plan fit these thoughts perfect.
“Hands off the steering wheel, I don’t need to control what people really feel, Spent over half of my life thinking I need a deal, Now I’m dealing daily with stacking bread for a decent meal.”
At the end of all this soul-searching I wanted to leave folks with a message they can use whenever someone doubts them without saying it out loud. I get a lot of subliminal hate from people and I know we all receive that from humans in our lives that smile in our face but laugh behind our backs. My message to them is Pray For My Prey.
“So telling me you hope I succeed
or ‘good luck, you gon’ make it one day’
I know what you mean but I don’t need you to wish for my dreams,
when you on your knees, pray for my prey…”
You can use that if you want. Check out The Savior, no pressure. If you like it, tell someone. And don’t mind me drifting off and feeling like I am not in the place I should be at times, it happens and I am grateful to have music, and this platform as well to realize how beautiful life is. I thank you for sticking around.