or here.

But if you need some incentive or maybe even insight to the words on the project, I am providing them right here. Here’s a breakdown of my rhymes on The Calling.

Volume prod by V Ladian Productions

If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and spoke to yourself in an attempt to discontinue being a character in someone else’s dream then you might feel this record.

Sometimes I need to listen to my own records where I talk about looking at obstacles in my path and remembering the ones from my past. But I am guilty of losing faith, so it comes out in the music.

It’s a gift and curse since the plight of the rap dude on the rise is an old familiar story, yet the daily struggle of the human trying to find oneself is universal so at times you don’t mind hearing it. I just think it’s so easy to lose sight when it comes to your reason for beginning a journey.

It’s like literally getting on the road, getting lost and continuing without knowing where you want to end up or why. Sometimes we let people turn down our volume because the outside forces are what we listen to. The folks commenting, giving their opinion, or telling you how to do what you do can become the force pushing you. And all of a sudden you’re talking to them instead of the ones who truly are listening. This is my way of telling myself to wake up.

“They gon’ tell you that you can’t, won’t
Try to convince you/That you’re wack, broke,
Get in your mental/But you can’t, fold,
Never back down, volume on ten, I ain’t turning back down…”
Me feat LelaBizz prod by DJ Pain 1

Lela Bizz came up with this chorus to the DJ Pain 1 beat. I wanted something that felt like an intro and I think she nailed it singing, “It’s all up to me.”

I just feel like a lot of us forget that we’re the answer to what we’re looking for. I kind of flipped it and decided to call out the thousands of rappers there are out there that you have to choose from, and in the same breath where “Savior” left off, I deduced that the game’s fate is in my hands. So to be honest, I wasted a bunch of bars hoping that someone would figure out that I went from 17, 440 spitters, where 3,000 were corny and 5,000 were bitter, then I continued running down numbers subtracting until they equaled one.

Now I say the word “waste” because if you don’t get that part then it’s just a heap of rap crap about things you might or might not already know. It still feels good to me and the hook means a lot. The Calling isn’t about anything other than looking inside to find what you really want out of life. Music went from a dream to a crutch to me. I became afraid to let it go because I thought it defined me. Now I view it as a tool that conveys messages and has the power to lift anyone’s spirits or make them reflect.

“When everyone is just alright,
I’m what’s left…”

From Me To You prod by Black Metaphor

This may be the most seemingly negative albeit clever song on this disc. Going from Unsigned Hype to unhype signed is funny to me. But my dark humor may get misconstrued as bitterness.

I’m really just shedding the expectations and guidelines of the industry. I went from a point where I really was wearing shades on stage, partying every other night out of what was perceived as necessity, and searching for emotionally unavailable women to being a person that is now a bit more evolved.

While “Me” was also about looking inward, “From Me To You” is about the reason I rap. I still focus on improving, and profiting from my passion but I also have an aim to make relatable songs and tell stories that the average person can identify with. I didn’t start out like that.

“I went from hard to difficult, went from spitting to bleeding,
I was rhyming for money, now I view money as freedom…”

 
Conception prod by Big Fraze

Conception took me about four minutes to write. The ideology that I was raised by hip-hop is just something that came out so easily. The influences of Run-DMC and Public Enemy and A Tribe Called Quest were so real. I was inspired to do music but I was also shaped by some of the subject matter. I learned about politics, social content, artists they sampled from, I even got vocabulary lessons from music.

This song is no exaggeration when I tell you that witnessing the rise of some of these people set the stage for what I wanted to do with my career. I observed the power of words, how Queen Latifah and Fresh Prince catapulted from one phase to another. Ice Cube and Ice-T began one way then totally changed their image.

And right in my home was Lord Digga to show me how a young rapping producer could have a vision and turn it into a record deal. This was deeper than just rhyming lyrics to me. This song is a timeline trip through my young mind that was absorbing everything I heard and turning it into fuel that would drive me to this point.

“Nas made his memory lane so graphic,
That we shared a project window where he was seeing the static,
It was just like mine in my mind, dope addicts…”

Walk on Water III prod by Emazin

Someone asked me why I keep doing this “Walk on Water” thing. I don’t really know. It started out as a metaphoric mission to let those that ask me “what’s going on with the music?” know that I’m above it all. Years ago on my second mixtape Follow My Lead, I was in Brooklyn leaving the train station and vibing to beats and I was walking through a puddle with my headphones on and the concept came to me. Sounds corny but it really did happen like that.

I throw in some biblical references just to give the feel that I’m somewhere else with the path I’m on.
It’s also a metaphor for doing thee impossible. We can believe Jesus walked on water because we have faith in Him. But to believe in ourselves that we can make miracles happen is absurd sometimes.

Yet we do it everyday. The small miracles that we experience every time we wake up, breathe, digest food, witness the weather and simply live get ignored. Some circumstance and occurrences that go down get written off as The Creator or luck, but there is so much greatness in us all that we need to reach for the stars and land on a cloud once in awhile.

“You compare me to rappers that’s spitting bars,
While my function is to give you a touch of my gift from God…”

The Realist prod by DJ Qvali

I always felt like rapping came with an image that you have to represent a certain level of thuggery. The hood has to embrace you as one of them. But as I am growing I am also seeing hip-hop grow.

Gone are the days when the Jay-Zs and Fifty Cents set the standard for living criminal lives that spilled into the booth. In today’s world the Drakes, Walés and the homie J. Cole are not selling you anything, killing you or threatening listeners. Wiz Khalifa is Snoop without the murder being a case, Kendrick Lamar is from Compton but he isn’t most wanted by the authorities.

Reality is now in, and it’s ok to be who you are. With that said, there are still some who follow the old blueprint that might is right and fear equals love. And this song is an answer back to the question about the importance of street credibility as opposed to ability and honesty as I answer a kid who wants to know if I’m “real.”

“They say he’s alright but he’s not real,
What if you’re real but you’re not alright, how does that feel?”

Brenda’s Baby prod by Louis G.

I was at a birthday bash for Tupac Shakur in Atlanta when I realized that there may never be records like “Dear Mama” on radio again. Pac’s first single was “Brenda’s Got a Baby” back in 1991 and I sincerely doubt any record company, A&R or homeboy would advise a rapper to put out a record today that is even remotely similar to that song.

But the beauty of not answering to a major is that you can do what you want. And twenty years later I decided to drop a song that is an ode to Pac’s single. I saw someone else did a “Brenda’s Baby” song years ago after a few fans pointed it out to me. But mine isn’t so much of a distinct narrative as it is a reflection of our times.

I’m simply saying that I constantly focus on getting buzz, hotter and watching the throne while even Jay and Kanye are being Niggas in Paris with no real message to the listeners. Not that they have to because maybe living your dream is enough of a message but for me…I just went on an enlightening trip through song that might be more received because of its ties to a legend. Well that is the aim.

“Brenda’s baby is grown and I’m out here watching a throne…”

Dreamgirl prod by Black Metaphor

This was probably the last addition to this CD because I just wasn’t sure if it fit. I also knew it was borderline depressing and possibly a filler if you’re a dude. But there’s something about dreaming that gets me going. I just feel like we don’t reach enough as humans.

I hate when I get complacent and settle for what I see in my face. So whenever I feel a certain way I know others need to hear it. So I created two stories about a girl who gave up on her dream to raise her fam and another who is holding on to a lost child. This is where I get confused about what’s entertaining and enlightening and I am open for criticism when I choose the latter. But I am comfortable with that.

“Passion is the key to finding out the piece to know your calling,

If you want to capture happiness and peace you gotta dream girl…”

Angels & Demons prod by Emazin

I did a whole break down of “Angels & Demons”

The Awakening prod by GZ Beats

My favorite record on this project is a collection of short stories that don’t really end but reach a point where I hope the listener feels somewhat awakened.

I don’t want to give away too much if you haven’t heard it but the reason I enjoy this song so much is because I have no memory of composing it and in the studio I did the whole song in one take. So what you don’t care about that but as an artist I can sit back and marvel at the anecdotes I made up and how I was able to bring them to a close in less than 16 bars. Still not impressed? Well listen anyway and I’m sure you’ll at least close your eyes and see some characters in the stories.

 “We all equal but I boldly discriminate,

Each time I say pause that’s exhibit A…”

 Call On Me feat. Danny Sky High prod by J. Cardim

 I rewrote this record a few times and it started out as me proclaiming to be the man to rescue the hip-hop game. But then I started to think about the spiritual aspect of the concept. And as I went deeper I thought about what it meant to believe in something you may never see with your eyes.

My uncertainty about religion leaked out in the second verse and even though I still feel like saving the game, I need to save myself. So I talk about a trip to church and how it moved me even though I am not a Baptist or anything. The song has a gospel feel and I do speak about God quite a bit on The Calling. I make no excuse for that but I will just say that when you’re looking for your purpose, you tend to look to a higher power.

 “The same way you singing out hymns,

Every time you singing about Him,

I want you to feel my music when it’s like you can’t win…”

I thank everyone that purchased, thought about buying, told a friend, or looked at the ad for my book online. We moved some good units for a pre-release and I am truly blessed to have an idea turn into reality. This blog was created for the book and now it has become more than a blog but a chance for me to vent, share and connect with people across the globe. Every comment holds weight, every page visit means something and outside of music I exist in another world that many people couldn’t foresee. With that said, I have lyrics to share:

I wake up with the voice in my head that says God’s watching,
Studied scriptures and even skimmed thru Allah’s doctrine,
Minutes later I’m thinking of killing haters, and ways to bring in some paper so having faith is a hard option,
My moms told me that praying will get me far in life,
And anytime it gets hectic just give ya heart to Christ,
But I don’t know if the Lord can help my bars get tight
Or make the fans think I’m a star that’s nice, I’m an artist writing
Real shit, real feelings, angels in my ear
Like, “Do better, be better, pick a new career,
Maybe teacher, preacher, counselor, physicist, engineer,
Someone doing things with meaning for people,”
But then I hear
These demons with the horns like, “Rap, rhyme, spit it,
Do a song wit a dance, talk about the slutty bitches,
Put half naked chicks in the video, pour liquor
on they asses,
Throw some stacks at the camera and yell, ‘nigga, nigga, nigga,
I’m ill, I’m getting it, fuck school,’
sell drugs, get a buzz, rock some shiny fake jewels,”
But the angels come back screaming, “Make smart cool!
Put depth in ya music, reach the youngest, dumbest fools,
While you kill it over beats and they sleeping,
You break the rules
and have ‘em thinking while they smoking and drinking and gripping tools,”

…And I choose the darkside, sorta like Tre and Doughboy in that car ride

And then I shout “Dough let me out!”
Knowing that this is wrong
I’m conflicted in my life and in my songs.

I got these Angels on my shoulder,

But these demons keep on talking and they’re trying to win me over
Got me thinking bank robbery, Obama I need change,
I envision car jacking this old man in the Range,
Angels: “Work hard at your craft and deal with the pain,
Everyday ain’t always sunny, you wanna just make it rain.”
Demons: “Sha look at how long you been in the game,
Ain’t nobody trying to hear what you yapping, you sound lame,
You ain’t shooting, you ain’t selling, you ain’t balling you’re the same,
Dude rapping ’bout your raps in your raps, then you complain.”
Damn…
But the angels start to whisper,
“Wife up a queen,” then the demons tell me dis her,
The soldiers with the wings say lift brothers and sisters,
But the creatures with the tails say get money consistent,
Angels say, “God’s son showed you the path,”

Demons say, “The savior was hated until he passed,
Sha you was born broke, parents called you accident,
Jesus got gold and a holiday named after him,”

Angels want me Christian or Catholic with wife and kids,
Demons want me flipping bricks, getting clapped, or doing a bid
Angels: “Forget the whores and the groupies, the music biz.”
Demons: “Thinking small, you’ll never be Pac or Big stupid.”

These are two verses from a song on The Calling which will drop later this month entitled “Angels & Demons.”

I’m not sure why I put the words up but I know that sometimes we all have two sides speaking to us when we have to make certain decisions. We wonder which one is right or wrong, and what choice mirrors who we really are. At some points we make decisions that don’t seem like who we know ourselves to be at all. We rationalize our mishaps, or we defend our lies, we omit the truth from our minds so that doing something kind of stupid is acceptable when we stare into our own eyes. I am guilty of this.

To me it’s similar to a demon trying to convince you to do something that doesn’t connect with your heart. But then again if a thought or deed feels like a desire, what makes it incorrect? What if that desire is what will make you instantly joyful? Do you not fulfill it because someone else will suffer or because it’s not morally correct?

How do you know which entity is in your ear? Maybe you never really know for sure until hindsight hits and you get to analyze, learn from yourself, and use the past to affect the present. There are so many times in my life that I am afraid that something I’m doing is not the best choice, and the outcome will be one that I will regret later on.

And then that same decision spawns some negative…as well as positive situations, and the result is I meet people, or spark ideas and most likely I possibly write a song that would not have happened without whatever adversity I faced. It makes you wonder if everything really happens for a reason and if It Is Written for real.

Is this present moment really all there is to concern myself with? Right now was meant to be? Maybe the voices in my head are there to help guide me, but whatever I choose is simply a choice that leads me to the spot that I was already going to reach. Or could every turn possibly be new and unfathomed? There may be no reason to dwell on the path you didn’t pick after hitting the fork in the road. But somehow we still drift off to a dimension that has us pondering, “What if I would have listened to the voice in the other ear?”

For some it’s left and right brain dialogue, for others it’s good vs evil, lazy against effort, instant gratification battling delayed bliss, or simply the higher version of yourself trying to reveal itself while the selfish, thoughtless, egotistical you pokes out its chest in an attempt to run the psychological show. The concept that there is no wrong outcome, no Heavenly mistakes, no coincidences and no real accidents could be an inevitable yet difficult truth. Tell me your thoughts.

Check out my book! No pressure

1.Merry Christmas
When is anyone ever really merry? Unless you’re a leprechaun, or a Smurf, or a gnome, or an elf, or one of the Merrymen, I can’t see it. Merry includes sing-talking, jovial dancing, and spreading cheer to others so they feel better or worse about the life they’re living.

Chances are they’re going to feel worse. When I think of anyone being merry, I envision tights, footsies, ukuleles, rainbows, orange moons, green clovers…you get the idea.

Not even slaphappy toddlers fit the description. How did this word become the sole adjective responsible for well wishes on December 25th? No one ever says, “Have a delightful Christmas,” or “Hope you had a swell Christmas.” I’m just saying, I don’t want to be merry.

2.Carol Lyrics
What the hell is a one-horse open sleigh anyway?

I’ve never seen a two or three-horse open sleigh, nor have I seen a closed one. How do I know what fun it is? Who’s standing by this testimony? “Jingle Bells” sounds like a big lie to me.

Not only does dashing through the snow on one of those things sound dangerous, but I doubt I would be laughing all the way. And if I did, whose laughter sounds like “ha ha ha ha” anyway? Not mine.

And you know what else I’ve never done…decked a hall. I’ve never had halls to deck. I’ve had hallways. And we didn’t deck those. Deck is short for decorate I’m assuming.

I never knew what boughs of holly were as a child. I still don’t know what a bough is and it sounds like I wouldn’t want holly in my hallway or my halls.

Either way, ‘tis the season to be jolly. Jolly and merry are pretty much the same to me but I do think jolly isn’t meant to describe poor, deprived people. The rest of the words in that song have something about gay in them. I do dig “Joy To The World” although someone jacked up the possessive pronouns with “preparing him room” and all that.
It happens.

3.Giving > Receiving
It’s better to give than receive? Is it? Sure you feel great inside for a brief moment, and maybe it’s cool to light up someone’s life with a gift that they love…but what if they hate it? What if they say, “This is…niiiice, thank you so much.” All while they give you a fake smile. And what if you’re not even there when they open it? So you get an email thank you.

“Oh I loved the scarf you got me.”

Did you? Love? A scarf? No you didn’t. You appreciated the gesture. I’m broke, you’re broke, so the fact that I got your kids something was really enough but hey some of us try and go the extra mile and brighten someone’s Christmas morning.

Most of the time we fail. Your life partner was expecting something that says, “I will always love you” but you got something that says, “This is what my love can afford.” Or maybe you told them the day after Xmas is when the sales go down and they got something hot coming by the 27^th the latest. Most likely life won’t play out like those sappy Lexus commercials where a car is the Christmas gift. Really? I didn’t even know Lexus had a jingle.

It’s all about the kids anyway. In that case, it is better to give because presents from kids suck unless they’re really from a parent who writes the kid’s name on it. I used to hate that, I was three years old and totally upset that I would get included on a gift for some old person that I had nothing to do with. But I got over it eventually and started shelling out cash for my own Christmas contributions.

And I found out counting toys so I could go back to school bragging about how much my parents loved me was way cooler than telling people I spent my allowance on some cologne for my dad and some decorative piece for the house that was meant to be a present for my mother.

I was a much better receiver than quarterback, pause.

4.Merry Xmas
How did Christmas turn into Xmas? I don’t know. I think it was a joke that was started by the folks that tried to out Jesus on the cross. He came back in a few days, and years later dude got a holiday and a religion named after him. Someone said “well let’s abbreviate this long ass day with a C.”

“No, no, an X is better because it’s two crosses like he died on.”
“Oh word. That does mean something.”
Voila. There you have it. Xmas was born. And some people get really pissed off when you write it. If I were a big Christ aficionado, I would denounce the term too.
We never call him Jesus X. Unless I missed something. I kind of like Jesus X though. Sounds rebellious.

5.The Santa Lie
If you grew up in apartments with no chimney, you stopped believing in Santa very early. I was one of those kids. The holiday was ruined because some of my presents still had the guy’s name on it. It just didn’t add up to me. My mother made up some story about him taking the elevator or coming through the window to pacify me. But I think it would have been better to just tell me Claus didn’t come to certain neighborhoods.

6.Rudolph’s Dying

7.The Grinch Factor

I kind of feel sympathetic when it comes to The Grinch’s story. He was just a man-looking, money-colored creature with a mission to prove that presents and toys didn’t define the sacred holiday. It’s not like Grinchy took the gifts and sold them for drug money. He didn’t even open them up. He just wanted to steal the joy from Whoville. And in essence, he proved that Christmas was about love and a bunch of other crap. Man I empathize with that dude.

No one saw that he was the outcast in a group of little people that looked like each other and all he had was his dog. There were no Grinch girls around for him to spend time with and his moves were sort of similar to a dictator. Or maybe it was like a poor people revolution where they rob all the rich folks, or it was kind of like an Occupy Whoville movement.

Critics argue that the book criticizes the commercialization of Christmas and satirizes those who profit from exploiting the holiday. I got that from Wikipedia but who needs some smart criticism? All hail the great Grinch for his efforts to even the score.
8.Apple Revolution

iBooks, iPhones, iPads. There is a secret plot to get humans to kill each other for the sake of self-preservation. But the plan will not be revealed until iFood and iPeople are created. Steve Jobs’ soul will not rest. Don’t be a part of the revolution ladies and gents. Fight the i.

9.Secret Santa Sucks

Prove me wrong if you dare. But you know what it’s like to get something for someone you don’t dig. Or receive something from someone that doesn’t dig you. Then there’s spending limits so you have to be thoughtful. And other times there’s no limit so someone goes overboard and cops an Xbox when all you bought was a Bath & Body basket. It’s the thought that counts right? I’ve never paid for anything with thoughts.

10.Jesus Was Black

Or maybe he wasn’t. Personally I don’t care, but those pesky African-Americans want him down with their team. Who cares what color he was?

“Oh it says in the bible, his skin was bronze and his hair was wooly.” He was Rasta, I get it. Y’all own the man.

All this says to me is that people want to claim Jesus. My whole life I’ve been viewing him as a Kenny Loggins/Michael McDonald type guy. And I was comfy with that. Then all of a sudden I get the news that Christ is mixed with Blackness and the original man is one of color and I got all confused. And now here I am trying to make sense of it all. But then again I’m not.

A Black Jesus doesn’t change anything. But it does make me wonder about the whole effect that holidays have on the economy and how churches get big money around this time of year. Don’t be a part of it. Become cynical, put coal in stockings, join the naughty list, Santa is close to Satan if you have dyslexia.

Fine don’t listen to me, get presents, sing carols, spread cheer, be with family, eat food, do what you want. Merry Xmas!

Oh yea…Buy My Book!
Click here! It Will Be Your Best Friend

People ask me why did I decide to write a book, and I tell them I didn’t make the decision consciously. When I was a kid and I watched Saturday Night Live and Jack Handey’s Deep Thoughts flashed on the screen, I thought they were the funniest things ever.

Thoughts like these:

“I’ll never forget the time my friend Stew went skydiving. Boy, what a mistake that was! First of all, his parachute didn’t open. Second, we didn’t have the right address, so before we got there we got lost and went driving all around for almost an hour. And third, when we finally did get there, Stew tried to back out and we had to talk him into going.

“The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw”

“The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, What am I doing?!” 


See, if you smiled a little bit, that’s what used to happen to me. I would even laugh out loud and forget what the hell I was pissed about some days. Of course I would look around and I’d be at some odd job, or living in my childhood bedroom, or I was trying to devise a plan to pay my phone bill, and then I’d instantly remember why I was sad about my life. But for a brief moment when I read something funny online from Jack Handey I was good.

I wanted to do the same thing for other people, but I was never good at being a comedic rapper. I mean I have some funny songs, a few tracks that make you move, but for the most part I enjoy doing records that are enlightening without preaching, and the words make you feel something other than humor. So the day I received Jerry Seinfeld’s Seinlanguage comedy book, just like when Hov saw the dude in his hood rapping in front of everyone, I thought “I could do that.”

I had already been jotting down random thoughts that I figured I could give to a comedian friend of mine but they never really sounded funny out loud. So with all that said, when I began writing blogs for hiphopgame.com and hiphopdx.com, I was sick of blogs that just name-dropped and promoted whatever the hell I had going on. I wanted to touch on something else that was insightful, slightly comical but would still be accepted by a hip-hop audience; so the topic “Is It Me?” was born.

What I didn’t realize about the Internet back then was the power of direct feedback, and how it can make one feel as low as dirt or on top of the world. I stopped reading comments on my music because I can’t take it if something coming from my heart gets stomped on, but when people said they almost laughed at my writing it pushed me to continue.

So long story short, I put a bunch of rants about nothing together and I started reaching out to publishing companies. But I realized with maybe 2,000 fans or people that know me; I would need to reach more than just a music audience with a book. And since I know everybody poops, the marketing genius that I am came up with the idea to do a bathroom book.

I’m not really a genius and every company turned me down. I came up with mondayramble.com to target folks at work that needed a few minutes of distraction that might spark a thought, or even produce a giggle. A lot of these rambles come from the book and of course I began writing new ones since I wanted fresh topics that captured the present time.

Now I’m almost 60 blogs in, Red Head Publishing gave me a shot and The Toilette Papers: The #1 Number 2 Book is here. I know the grind in this business is slow, and I’m not expecting to be a best-seller over night. But I am excited to have people supporting and hopefully enjoying my sporadic excerpts.

So with this short story about having an idea that was just in my head, and over a few years turned into something tangible…and then was met with adversity that was overcome by reaching out to people…I hope to inspire you a little bit. I hope to inspire myself actually because I can’t seem to enjoy any accomplishment or believe in myself the next time around. We moved almost half of the 100 copies made available over the weekend so I have to be thankful for all of you out there. And I also thank Jack Handey and Jerry Seinfeld. Check out the promo.

Buy My Book Here

Monday Ramble #56 “The Numbers Game” (My Book Is Here!!!)

For those of you that don’t know, The Brother Victorious, our co-host Jasmine and I have a Blogtalk radio show that we broadcast every Tuesday evening at 8pm called The Emotion Picture. I am dropping a new CD entitled The Calling with coast2coastmixtapes.com hopefully on January 12^th of 2012.

On December 10^th of this year, I am pre-releasing my book full of these rambles and 100 copies will be available.

Why am I telling you this? So you can tune in, buy, listen, support or whatever it is that will cause the numbers to go up. Why do we want numbers to go up? Why does anyone want numbers to go up? So people can see the numbers, think you’re doing it big, follow you on Twitter, talk about you, make you halfway famous and somehow, someway, one day the numbers in your bank account can magically go up.

The only numbers we want really low are bills. When you open up a bill you always hope that it’s zero. Like maybe the bill people messed something up, or the phone company forgot about you, the landlord or mortgage company didn’t count November for some reason, or possibly you didn’t use enough electricity so they gave you a month on the house. That never happens though. Instead, those numbers represent what you owe.

And your bank account represents how much you have. I try to have multiple accounts just so when I see a low number I think to myself, “This isn’t the final count of my worth. Somewhere there’s more.”

That doesn’t work though. Numbers rule my life. I’m a slave to digits, to counting, to an eternal abacus that keeps going and going. I walk around with measuring sticks calculating how much things cost, how many hours I have left, the price of gas, how many times a week am I going to wear these pants…It never stops.

The first time I learned how to count to ten, I was like seven months old. And my family was pretty impressed. Then I did it backwards, then in Spanish, then I went to Rome and learned their numeric system, then I skipped a grade. Life moved fast back then. But if someone would have told me that the number game would never end, I would have chilled out right then and there.

People ask if you know how to count, how old you are, what grade you’re in. It was so stressful that by the time I was two, I was already paranoid about my receding hairline and my lack of allowance.
But now here I am, 380-something months later, and all I do is wake up looking at numbers. The time on the clock, the weight on the scale, the digits on the microwave, the elevator floors, pin numbers. Help me. We all want to be number one but we’re sad if we have go out and request a table for one.

What did we do before Soundscan sales, video views, downloads and page visits? How did we know if something was good? I think we trusted our opinions. Recently I asked someone about some rap guy, and I wanted to know if he was good. The person answered, “I think he’s hot, he has 2 million views on Youtube.”
“Oh” I said. And I meant that “Oh.” Like I was convinced. What the hell was I thinking? I know what I was thinking; Hov said men lie, women lie, numbers don’t.
And now that’s like some holy doctrine repeated by rappers everywhere.

Do I think numbers have lied before? Yes. And I’m not personifying them like Sesame Street does…

I’m saying people pay to make it look like they’re more famous than they are, and I’m saying that 2 million followers can still result in 13,000 albums sold. Ask Soulja Boy.

All I’m saying is you can’t really trust a numeric representative all the time to tell you where talent lies. But at the same time, those reps justify you nowadays.
The resumé is being replaced by page visits.
How can one call his/herself a good blogger/rapper/business person with only a small amount of site hits?

Math is one of those subjects I didn’t dig once I got to high school because the answer to a math problem was so final.

I realized I needed room for error. There are no short essays on math tests, and no chance for me to make an instructor believe I might have read the chapter, or I might remember the cause of some war or something. With math, it’s just one answer. Sure there may be a fraction or mixed numeral equivalent, but most times it is what it is.
Sometimes they can be cold and brutal. A number you don’t like just stares at you. Scales do it all the time. Online bills can be evil. The page loads when you pull it up, and the number is bold or in red, and it looks like it’s flashing and snickering at you, and you have no idea how that number got so high.
And it’s not going to go anywhere until you do something.

There was a time when numbers were friendly. When the answer to “How old are you?” could be displayed on one hand…back when home phone numbers mattered…a time when an argument outside about sports was based on knowledge of the players, and not just a phone-searching-stat-checking debate.

It was an era when someone gave you a time to pick you up or meet you, you respected it because they couldn’t call you to tell you they were there after they left home. Numbers meant something way back then. Now they mean everything and nothing.

It really makes me think that sometimes I should focus on cheating instead of winning. Don’t you sometimes wonder how videos on a site like worldstarhiphop.com have so many views? What if I was to cut out the middleman and instead of waiting on comments, I put my own. Instead of trying to get organic views I learn how to jook the stats like they say in The Wire.

Fix the books, make it seem like my numbers are up so people will see my numbers up, then check me out. It sounds backwards. I know it’s been done, and this isn’t a unique idea, but I wanted you to think about it. A broken scale that reads the number you want to see doesn’t really change anything does it?
If I buy 50 copies of my own book, does that make me foolish, a failure or a smart guy that knows people need to know something sold out to think that it’s good?

So with that all said, on December 10^th, 2011 I will be making The Toilette Papers: The #1 Number 2 Bookavailable. Well the first 100 copies will be available, and if you read any of these rambles at any time I would appreciate your support so that I can really get some promo for the release at the top of next year. I don’t want numbers to govern my life but I am aware of the fact that I need them just like we all do.

So when you’re doing number two in the bathroom, this book can be the number one choice to join you in there. And if you don’t read in the bathroom, just put it in there anyway, it will make your trip smoother with my animated face staring at you.