A female “friend” of mine called me for advice about a dude she’s seeing. I gave her the advice and she thanked me for being a friend. I told her I was in the friend “category” but I’m not truly a friend. I mean we’re cool as hell, we’ve known each other for years, never flirted and have no business interests in each other…all that points to the safest zone of male/female interaction possible, but does that make us friends? I say nah.
There are some women that I may speak with to share a laugh, that I wouldn’t mind helping out if they needed me and some who I sincerely miss if I don’t see them in years…and these are people I have never crossed any line with. But again, are we friends…acquaintances…homies…old schoolmates? Or maybe just 2 people that never got close enough to mess up the so-called platonic friendship we’ve maintained. How did Plato get a whole relationship named after him anyway?

The age-old question, ‘can heterosexual men and women be friends?’ is boring, redundant and incapable of solving in 1 post.

There are too many variables to the equation when you include co-workers, exes that morphed into the friend zone and people you bumped uglies with a few times to satisfy that animalistic curiosity. Curiosity kills cats by the way (do with that pun whatever you like).

So here I am to lay wisdom upon you.

Some instances where men and women can truly be friends…and the contrary. Add more if you like.

1.Guy is unattractive to her.
She likes tall, he’s an elf
She likes slim, he’s burly.
She likes Black, he’s…you get the idea.

2.Girl being unattractive isn’t really enough because he’d still sleep with her if she came at him correctly. But if he’s in a great relationship and she’s undesirable to him then he most likely would turn down any advances or flirts. And if she knew that then maybe there’s a possibility that “not-so-hot” chick and cool looking Guy can be amigos.

3.Girl is former or current lover of Guy’s brother or father. Dealing with his Best friend isn’t good enough…he may still test the waters.

4.Guy is former or current lover of…give me a second…(7 mins later). Yea I can’t see a female being genuinely close with anyone that is dealing with her homegirl, sister or bestest buddy and it being platonic. She may be cool with homie but they ain’t shoe shopping and chatting bout reality shows without someone wanting more, scratch this 1.

5.If Guy has other intentions for the friendship, I.E getting to know her better-looking friends.

6.If Girl has ulterior motives, I.E business advancement or wants his homeboy.

7.If Guy and Girl are both happily married and the 2 couples hang out together, share jokes, stories and advice but Guy and Girl do not hide their conversations or talk outside of the group of 4.

8.If Guy is some sort of client of Girl and they email each other only about business and they both have invested interest in going further in their careers…and she has a famous, rich boyfriend…or is looking for one…and Guy is not rich and she’s out of his league…and he’s not cute to her…in any way…then maybe they could be pals…maybe.

9. (On 2nd thought) If Girl is attractive to Guy and vice versa they can still be friends. BUT Guy has to really be an evolved individual and they can never be alone indoors for any reason…or drunk at a party where she needs a ride…or on her birthday where she may think “it’s my birthday and I can do what or who I want and it doesn’t matter” or umm, he has to do top-only hugs at all times, and never look at her cleavage. There’s more rules to 2 hot opposite gendered people being homies but I still think if they’re not related…watch out.

10.If they have slept together once…or twice just out of curiosity but neither mention it again and 4 years minimum have passed, there is a slight chance that maybe they have defeated the sexual attraction that exists and can move on to a real friendship if and only if they have both found people they really like and realize that the sex had to happen to get it out of the way…but most likely they aren’t friends.

So you found your soulmate and he/she has a few opposite gender buddies that are not ugly enough for you huh? Well pay attention.

1.Guy has ever offered a massage.

2.Girl has ever said, “I need a massage.”

3.If they go out and Guy pays.

4.If they go out and Girl reaches but Guy still pays.

5.If there is no chance for $ to be made by them meeting for dinner, lunch, or brunch.

6.If they have children together but they are cordial and he/she sleeps there sometimes…”for the kids”

7.If Guy introduces her by her name and not “this is my friend, Girl”

8.If Guy has masturbated to thoughts of Girl.

9.If they are co-workers and…Yea that’s it, any good looking people at work must sleep together at some point, they ain’t friends, don’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe…especially if

9a.Girl tells him what her man doesn’t do.
9b.If Guy tells her what he can do.
9c.If they smile at the thought of each other.
9d.If they work closely together when they don’t have to.
9e.If they speak thru email and no one else has their email passwords…

10.And if your spouse has an ex-lover that is now their “pal” or “besty” and the relationship has broken new grounds since they stopped having horizontal dance sessions, don’t be so jealous and jump to conclusions that Guy is still flirting because he thinks he has “beatrights”…or Babymama rolls her eyes at you…or Guy sends “I miss u” text messages at 12:30 am…or Girl writes private jokes on his Facebook wall…or Guy tags her in everything he posts…even with all of that, they might be friends. He may be over your woman…that chick may not care about your man.

There’s a high probability that they are 2 individuals on an enlightened path that have decided to divulge info, hang out with or seek the company of someone that isn’t their lover.

In summation, chances are if opportunities present themselves, if liquor enters systems, doors close, mouths shut, and phones lock, a man and woman may discover that the human they confide in is more than a private part in an emergency glass casing revealing the truest essence of “platonicism.”

Or they’ll get it in and realize what’s real…

They ain’t friends.

You made it this far, might as well leave a comment, it makes a difference…


  1. Fckn hilarious.. Ima firm believer in all lat.. Simple.

    Nuttn left to say, but..

    Keep killin’ ’em sha..

    You make good music..

    Need some more of tht fire, my bk brother..

  2. dagoldnchild says:

    No man enters the friend zone voluntarily!! EVER!!

  3. no name says:

    totally agree sha…but i find it interesting that most females continue to believe that they can be strictly friends with the other sex

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