Have you ever watched a Popeye’s commercial and suddenly had a craving for fried chicken? Once in a while, I must admit that a fast food ad persuades me to desire food…fast. Sometimes a seemingly piping hot pizza pops up on my screen, or an enlarged fake burger, or those guys from the Sonic commercial that sit in their car talking about slushies spit their believable rants and it makes me want the product.
Marketing companies know this method works. So the more and more humans refer to themselves as brands, people have a clear understanding of how to market themselves. Women, for example are used daily in advertising as bait for everything from lingerie ads to alcohol. And now that the average female has caught wind of the fact that their attractive frames can become major attractions with minimal work, there is a new revolution sweeping the globe.
There was a time when being a “stripper” was the primary occupation that held “thickness” in a higher regard than other qualities…but now there is an innovative brand of gigs for ladies with model figures that do not happen to be models. She can film herself twerking in her living room and post it, she can willingly flirt with rappers and basketball players on social media with the hopes that she can land one, she can audition for a reality show and use her looks and personality to gain temporary fame…or she can take pictures of herself exposing her goods religiously and gain a following of thirsty dudes.
I don’t know if Mark Zuckerberg and his team designed an algorithm to determine who lurks on women’s pages to match them with profile pictures containing cleavage so that those women would then become “People You May Know” but if so, they did a great job (I hear). Facebook has officially joined the thirst trap party.
I need to know if these people that I may know are random people that I share friends with, or is this social network smart enough to figure out that I’m a male and photos with breasts and curves will interrupt my browsing session?
When I am scrolling through the valley of the shadows of the net I must be aware and beware of the evil that can be described as an ambush, an allurement, an entanglement, a quagmire, or simply a pun-intended “booby trap.”
The traps that appeal to your lack of hydration for the day and automatically spark a parched feeling that Kool-Aid, lemonade or Powerade won’t fix. Males know exactly what I’m talking about for we have all fallen victim to the thirst trap. Fellas, how many times are you just checking out your timeline and all of a sudden T&A make a guest appearance and change the trajectory of your whole day?
Some women are shaking their heads right now saying, “Just unfollow anyone that shows too much skin,” or “You can just pass a picture you don’t like,” or “There’s no such thing as a trap, people put up pictures and express themselves the way they want to, it’s your fault if you’re a pervert.”
It sounds so easy doesn’t it?
If you walk into a room and you don’t like what you see, just leave the room. But if you’re a single man, how bad could a thirst trap be? I’ll tell you how bad; it can cause you to look at someone you know in a sexual manner…although you had no prior thoughts of them in that way. It can cause you to send a “hey” text out of nowhere. It may even spark you to double tap, make you click the thumb or worst of all…leave a comment. A comment my G. That’s a global declaration of H2O deficiency for the world to see. Just because a co-worker flaunts her back tattoo and bikini picture doesn’t mean you have to tell her that you notice she’s been working out. You want your subtle comment to trump all the other dudes offering to drink her bath water, cook her meals, and father her children. You’re not slick. Anything you say in a comment section, can and will be used against you. You think a direct message is better don’t you? You’re wrong.
There’s already 338 likes on the picture. No need to add yours with words that live forever online. It’s a trap. Who’s the camera person for this photo she took? Did you even think of that? Is her butt poked out at the right angle for a reason? How come her cleavage looks exceptionally shiny? What’s the pouty face for? It’s for you isn’t it? It’s not for you. Well it is for you in a way. It’s so you get trapped. It’s so you thirst after her. It’s a way to reel you in with a thumbnail picture that’s really no bigger than the palm of your hand. The same hand that she hopes you use to calm yourself down with thoughts of seeing what’s under the scantily clad garment she’s donning.
I admire thirst traps. I’ve done my own version of the solo shot where I thought I looked halfway decent and decided to post it. I wasn’t bareback or wearing some muscle shirt, but I guess in hindsight I assumed the shot wasn’t my worst look. I wasn’t fishing for likes and comments either, but my point is that I can imagine if I were a female with measurements, I’m pretty sure I would flaunt my goods any chance I got (pause).
And let me clarify that thirst traps do not apply to IG pages with names like @makehimhard or @shesgotadonk or @azzfordaze.
If you follow those names, you know what you’re getting. I’m still trying to unfollow @officialshesaproblem and @cherokeedass on Instagram but it just hasn’t happened for me yet. I know it will though. If you simply follow an ex-girlfriend, or a single mother that has a kid who’s a friend of your kid, or your girl’s homegirl who isn’t really her bestie…and you see unnecessary flesh exposure, or suggestive sexual poses, or form fitting clothing…that could be a trap set for you to fall. And when you see it, you have the option to ignore it, keep sliding as if it didn’t exist, or choose to never see such things again when you block her.
But there are times when you pause, sneak a gander or two and then click on their name to see if there’s any more. Then all of a sudden they receive a notification that you liked a picture that was posted 17 weeks ago. How far did you scroll down? How many pictures did you really go through? The further back you went, the thirstier you appear.
You have been trapped my friend. You went as far to like the picture with the backside showing and you skipped the one where her face was highlighted. It happens. You were just looking at photos and there were some that you liked, no big deal right? Well it isn’t really a problem but it is a victory for her. She won. With every “like” she accumulates, with every follower she locks in, for every time some dude snaps a screenshot to share on a group chat with his boys, or that he just keeps for his own personal collection, she racks up points on her way to making the thirst trap all-star squad.
And as I write this almost chauvinistic, one-sided rant, I realize that somewhere in the world there are ladies, grown women and sophisticated females with no thot characteristics perusing social media and following dudes that habitually show flesh. Those same women who may or may not be in loving relationships get Facebook friend suggestions that contain snapshots of shirtless dudes and acquaintances from high school, college, and old workplaces that appear to be more attractive than they were in the past. It just hit me that women have to deal with thirst traps as well. As you skim this post there are adult females in a group chat right now commenting on a screenshot of a non-celebrity crush. The world is not safe ladies and gentlemen. Sex sells, and it is all around us. So next time you’re on your timeline and you happen to see someone that you know wearing less garments than usual and featuring parts of their anatomy that you may not have noticed before…stop, take a deep breath, acknowledge the trap that lies ahead and ask yourself why…Why are they doing this? Why does it work so flawlessly? And most of all; why do you care?
The answer is as clear as the reason you can probably name at least 5 Basketball Wives…it’s why the Twerk Team has more followers than Cornel West…it’s why Kim Kardashian is a household name. Thirst is real.