IS IT ME? PART 8

Is it me or does anyone else kind of hide when they see an old schoolmate that they were sort of cool with but not really THAT cool with?

Not to be Hollywood or anything but maybe you just trick yourself into thinking that person may not remember you so you don’t want to embarrass yourself. But the truth is you really just don’t feel like engaging in a small talk session. Isn’t small talk one of the most interesting interactions ever created? Two people trying to read each other’s body language and fit in years of living into minutes or possibly seconds.

Imagine running into an opposite sex acquaintance from high school, junior high school or in some cases college or an old job or something. The indecision starts with the greeting; do you just wave hello or move in for the touch and talk? Once you’re close enough, do you high five, hug or do you hug AND kiss on the cheek? Who knows? And when you’re done with that, there’s the rhetorical “how’s it going?” Or “what you been up to?”

If mind reading was ever a necessity in life, this is one of those times.

You honestly don’t care what I’m doing and me saying “same old thing” might cover it. But nooooo, I have to give detail don’t I? Then I have to ask you the same thing. And you know what you’re gonna do? You’re gonna tell me. And you should, because my dumb ass just asked you to didn’t I? Yup.

For me, the worst possible question is: “You still doing music?” Maaan that gets my blood boiling. They should really say “Please tell me you gave up your dreams by now? I don’t see you on TV or hear you on the radio so you must not be popular, I gave up on my dream and I hate my life so please join me and hate yours…” But that thought remains silent in their heads as I say “Hell yeah” and my ego kicks in and runs down my award wins, magazine appearances, record deal, Myspace and WordPress pages, and lastly I reach in my pocket and search for a CD for them to check out…

Well that was last year. This year I’m saying things like “Nah I quit music, I’m actually a whiffle ball coach on the weekends for a midget league, that’s my true passion and during the week I’m a phone sex operator for an exclusive amputee hotline. That’s where I make the real bread so if you know of anyone that lost a limb but is looking for lust take my card.” Then I’ll look at the strange look on their faces as they try to figure out if I’m joking. Then I’ll hand them the card and it will look so real that they’ll be sure to tell everyone. Next time I’ll have a different story and a new card for the next old “homie” I run into.

Truthfully, Facebook cured the need for these types of run-ins. I used to think Myspace was juvenile but now it has become helpful and even replaced the business card and the first date. I fought the forces of Facebook for as long as I could but there’s something about seeing the pics of the girl that dissed you in 6th grade and chuckling inside as you see how fat or busted she’s become. Then realizing the jokes on you when you see she’s fat because she’s a married, wealthy doctor with a mansion and a chef. Anyway Facebook was confusing at 1st and I didn’t want to be poked, vampire bitten or made someone’s pet but I can appreciate speaking to people that I assumed fell off the face of the earth just because they weren’t in contact with me. Don’t we all think like that?

Well this is really all about one thing that is puzzling me: Twitter! I’m not gonna lie. I don’t know what the hell is going on with Twitter but I don’t want to be late and not cool either. I know I don’t like people following me. I’m paranoid as it is. Now everyday there’s more people following me and I hear I’m supposed to follow them…and then they see my convos? Do I have this wrong? And then I want to add this feature to my mobile device? Yea? That’s really what I want? How did my cyber life get so complex?

Do I really want to know that another lucky guy got rich overnight because they thought of one of these friend connecter sites that was right there in front of me but I was too busy writing raps? Thanks smart guy! You think all the ideas are gone and then bam!

Twitter pops up. I guess I can see why my site: justwannahititorgetfurtherinmycareer.com didn’t work. It was a little too direct. All these sites exist just to avoid real conversation. I wonder where we’ll be with these in 20 years.

To think that The Jetsons was created over 40 years ago and we still didn’t catch up. Then again the Internet would’ve helped Spacely Sprockets and Cogswell Cogs but I’m still waiting for flying cars that fit in your briefcase and robot maids that take care of all your personal needs…and don’t want to small talk.