It finally happened. The rumors I heard growing up about sleep moving up on the totem pole of life have become reality. Naps are now a thing of beauty, and although I still fight bedtime at night, when I fall out I am happier for it. Sleep is winning battles it used to lose all the time. The club used to destroy sleep in a face-off but now it’s not even close.

The messed up thing about sleeping is you can’t enjoy it while you’re doing it. For instance, you can be at Chick-Fila and say out loud, “These waffle fries are wonderful, and this lemonade is tear-jerking.” If you’re watching a good movie or playing naked twister you can acknowledge the fun your having and even hip anyone else in the room to your enjoyment. The point is, when you’re knocked out, you have to wait until you wake up to say, “That was some good ass sleep.”

Sometimes I try to wake up in the middle of unconsciousness just to appreciate it or maybe even dream about sleeping but that doesn’t work. They say that every time you’re asleep you dream. And sometimes when you wake up, you remember the dreams. I tell people about my intricate dreams once in a while and they ask me what I think they mean. And even though I majored in dream deciphering in college, I have no clue.

I don’t know if I believe that dreams about babies mean someone’s gonna die or a dream about fish means someone is pregnant. But falling down and hitting the ground might have something to do with dying because I can’t prove that one.

But I don’t know what it meant when I was running from the zombies and ended up in a supermarket talking to Jermaine Jackson about his hair products…

then I started yelling at the cashier as she morphed into a lunch lady at my high school cafeteria where the zombies had their own table playing spades…

and got into a fight and then we all decided to go play basketball…

and I got to the gym and realized I had dress shoes on and…

I forgot my shorts so I was asking everyone for extra shorts but nobody had any so they persuaded me to play in my boxers…

and Lebron James was there, and he kept trying to convince me to try out for the league, and I kept trying to convince him to loan me a million dollars…

then I said I was joking, then I said I wasn’t, and we went back and forth for 18 minutes with this joke…

and Joel McHale from The Soup was in the stands and he thought it was hilarious…

and Ray J started laughing, and so did this zombie that looked a little like Zoë Saldana but maybe it was just an Avatar creature…

I got mad and walked out of the gym, and luckily there was a beach right outside, unluckily there was some kids eyeing my chain, then they wanted to rap for me…

and one of them was good, but he was rapping in French and I couldn’t understand it, but this girl was dancing to his rhymes, well they said she was a woman…

I understood French all of a sudden, even though it sounded like parseltongue (Harry Potter) and they said the girl was the one from the R. Kelly tape and she had grown up…

I told them I had never seen the tape and they laughed at me because they explained that they were all vampires and could read my mind and they knew that I had seen the footage…

several times, and she was doing that same weird dance, and then it happened, I had to pee, I walked over to a bathroom, lifted up the toilet seat and for some reason I couldn’t go. And I woke up.

I don’t know what any of that means and I’m not going to analyze it at all. Some parts were in and out, and any dream interpreters out there, save your finger muscles, I don’t care about what my dreams mean. Night dreams are just like daydreams, whatever you’re thinking about just feels realer because you’re not awake. Try and sit some where awake for 8 hours straight and then attempt to write down the most memorable thoughts after the 8 hours are up, you’ll probably get a few names, faces, places, maybe even some scary thoughts; and that’s what dreams are. They are loose clips of the wack movie that you can’t express because you sound retarded trying to recall.

The only dream you should be aware of is the pee dream. Oh yea, you know what that is. That’s the dream to kill them all. You see the bathroom, it feels real, its like pee for Nintendo Wii…Nintendo Pii. This is how it happens when you’re 6, sometimes 60 and best believe the dream occurs in between, you just have the wits to wake up and handle your business. But as a kid, that warmth would stream down your leg and you would still be dreaming, relieved, toasty, thinking it’s all good…until…you realized you just became a statistic. You hath peed in the bed. I don’t even know how to put pee into the past tense correctly.

But you know what I’m talking about. How did we get here anyway? I’m sleepy now. But in a literal sense, keep your dreams alive if you have any, no matter how old you may feel, or how discouraged you might get. I’m talking about different dreams now, yes I drift…try to keep up…geesh. Anyway, tell me about your weirdo dreams and the ones you want to see come true.

You made it this far, go ahead and say something, it means more than you know

15 Comments on “MONDAY RAMBLE 22 “DREAMS BE REAL””

  1. Zoi TheFemcee says:

    Nintendo Pii? Lmfaoooo.
    I had a dream on Friday that I remember quite clearly. I was a mom and had a baby named Matthew. This kid and I got along greatttttt and I loved him alot. He was about 2, cute and smart. I’m not sure of this dream came about because I’m 25 and my clock is ticking or because I wrote a song about a pregnancy scare the day before but I do know this….. It felt real. I opened my eyes in the morning and scanned the room for this amazing lil man who didn’t exist and all of a sudden I felt sad. Dreams are dreams and I don’t know if any of the deeper meanings make sense *shrugs* …… nice ramble Sha

  2. Lela Bizz says:

    You are retarded! but I love it 🙂 keep it up champ and stop wetting the bed looser!!!

  3. liquidsunshine says:

    I used to have a lot of dreams where I would be away on vacation and bump into people from my past…some living, some deceased. I assume there were things I still wanted to discuss with those people, or things I wished I’d asked. Usually there would also be random people from my life who I’m not in contact with often…

    As for the “other” dreams, I just dream of easiness, peace, happiness, love, and being in a position where I can give back to people who need it most.

  4. Louvely says:

    Your sub consciousness is insane, lol. I guess it would be, considering how creative you are. Thanks for another gut busting, tears springing, great read.

  5. J-Breezy says:

    This joint was hilarious man…keep it up!

  6. Cyra Unqiue says:

    I used to dream that I would beat ou in every rap battle when I grew up…after that happened (PSYCHE! LOL!), I realized I did ‘nt need to do that, I needed to put my family in a home (getting close…), run my own biz (CHECK!), and provide my family with financial security (working on it…). Great Job Mr. Stims, I am loving your work (I NEVER MAKE THESE KIND of entries..I just wanna be down )

  7. Gabrielle says:

    I really liked this ramble… I thought I only had weird dreams.. but they are not as hilarious as this one. I have always tried to fight in a few of my dreams, but when I threw a punch… my arm moved so slow that the punch did no damage… *shrugs* I have not had a fight for a long time in my dreams now.. I guess I gave up… Some of my dreams are so weird, that when I sit down and try to decipher them, I shake my head, like what the hell are you thinking about.. I have only had 3 in my lifetime that came to fruition.. (I think) but yea, Sha, Ive decided that You are crazy.. lol! It takes one to know one ya know!

  8. Raych says:

    I got this dream that appears around the times of my life when major changes or decisions are to be made. It never fails an it seems that I take different approaches in the dream when I’m going through different things an I never get an outcome or remember the ending! It bothers me for days trying to figure out what I’m missing to the point I’d try to make up my missing plot. Which doesn’t work! Ill throw a lil part of my dream out here that I can recall….Its bizarre because I’m outside my body watching myself (not sure if its really me the face to blurry) like I’m looking at a movie or video game or something lol. Her encounters I never remember. People in places I remember but can’t make out who or where! When my change is accomplished I forget the dream…Crazy thing, my choices and way of life seem to be out of the blue an not “normal” to people but always seems to be the right way for me. Not sure if I’m making a lick of sense. Maybe thats the Weird I know:)

    • shastimuli25 says:

      uhh Raych this is kinda different. u might want to write a script next time u have this dream

      • Raych says:

        I’ve tried! lol I’m just going to leave this dream topic alone. I knew better than to throw it out You say its “kinda different” lol I say ” Do you expect any different”? While you subconsciously thinking about getting your R. Kelly on!!! I’m just saying!

  9. Paul Thompson says:

    What if you dream about a smelly cat?

  10. Rona says:

    I don’t know ’bout you but premeditating sleep is the best part for me. Just thinking about getting out of the shower so fresh and so clean, and climbing into a made bed between some crisp 400 thread count Egytian cotton sheet with a nice fluffy pillow, and knowing I don’t gotta get up early for work the next morning? What!?! That’s what I’m talking about! I just hate that when I’m dreaming I think its real… I dreamed about this guy I had a crush back in the day and didn’t approach him in the dream b/c I thgt it was real! I was pissed when I woke up…lol I wish I could use my dreams to act out bold ish I won’t do in real life.

  11. Griswald says:

    I keep having a recurring dream where I realize suddenly that im dreaming and I can have any sort of power I want. Sounds awesome but i always make the mistake of going for the high jump ability, feels great for the 100 feet going up but as soon as I peak I instantly feel terrified. I always speed up coming down and I wake up moments before I’d hit the ground. Alittle different than the childhood dream of falling off a cliff then waking up having rolled off the top of your bunkbed. Anyways great post first Iv red and first post too, keep it up sha.

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