MONDAY RAMBLE PART 2 “GRAMMAR AND GRANDPA”

This entry is stolen from my book:

Before you read this, please understand that I do not claim to know everything. I am not a grammar guru or a spelling bee sultan but I do know that laptops fit on your lap, and labtops…well I don’t know what labtops are but I think that they’re fancy shirts worn by female scientists.

I hate when people correct my grammar. Every time I say something like “conversate” or “irregardless,” or “where you been at?” or “what you hit me for?” I don’t need some smarty art telling me I made up a word or used it incorrectly, or added an unnecessary preposition. Most people don’t even know what a preposition is.

I’ve been using the English language for quite some time, I don’t know every word and how to use it but you know what I mean most of the time. Nowadays, in this email era, thee extent of people’s education is exposed more and more.

But wait, don’t worry about it, I’m on your side. I used to get annoyed by misspelled words, misplaced punctuation and sometimes typos but now I realize how much of a snob I was. Everyone didn’t go to school, and even the ones who did, didn’t pay attention in English class, and even if you paid attention, how are you supposed to remember when to use “your” or “you’re” when your in a rush? See! Even I get it wrong. Wrong or write though. It doesn’t matter.

Sure, I definitely feel like saying something when folks use words they may not know how to spell.

“Sha is definately a prick, weather you believe it or not.”

“Stop being so phacecious and synical yo.”

“Their always seperating us, do you here what I’m saying?”

Yes I here you, and I hear you too, the squiggly red line doesn’t always pop up, and it’s not your fault anyway. I no what there trying too do man. Its two much too right down.

If no one ever told you the correct way that a word is spelled, how wood you know? They sound alike.

But then there are the terms that maybe you should stay away from, if you haven’t done the proper research:

-Labtops??

-I’ve never seen a statue of limitations, but I’m sure it’s a small statue compared to the statute of limitation.

-I don’t know what lip singing is, I’ve heard of lip syncing where your mouth is synchronized with audio. But if lip singing is singing with just your lips, then that must be tough.

-I’ve never “harpered” on something and I’m not sure that I want to.

-If you’re animate about an occurrence at work, but you mean to be adamant, don’t get mad at me and start to get all cartoon crazy.

-“Embarrassed” and “harassed” are tricky. Just use “ashamed” and “bothered.”

-If you think you’re better “then” me and “than” you want to prove it…well you just did.

-If you want to listen to your inner conscious and I’m boring you to a point where you become unconscience then that’s find with me.

-I like benefits, and although I would rather that they are fringe benefits over French ones, I’ll take what I can get.

-No matter how many different artsistes you like, I hope I’m one of them. Well I know I’m not anymore.

You made it this far, might as well leave a comment, it makes a difference…