MONDAY RAMBLE PART 7 “LONDON RAMBLING”

Last week I did some shows in London, England and to be honest I had no idea what to expect. I knew about the accents, I knew there were some dangerous areas but for the most part, I had no clue what I was in for. My DJ, Victorious had an idea to post the top ten things he would have tweeted if he had service on his berry and since I can’t steal that great concept I’m just going to run down a few of the things I would have to get used to if I decided to live in London.

-The gloomy skies. I don’t know where the sun hides out there but I can see why Vampires in the movies make England their home. I can see why folks get a lil depressed as well. I heard there’s like 14 days of sun in the summertime and this would be tough for me to handle. And that’s right up there with…

-Football. I would obviously either have to get down with soccer and get a favorite team or find a group of friends that like basketball and American football. Soccer is like a religion there and I don’t feel like getting into a brawl because I dissed some team or said I didn’t really understand the fascination. I would get with the program and also drink a whole lot of…

-Tea! I knew tea was big in England but I didn’t know it was up there with oxygen. I’ve had tea before and it’s not bad. I mean I prefer lemonade over iced tea…and hot drinks remind me of being sick but something tells me that in order to survive I would have to get my slow sip on. And I would have to learn how to manage this new expense when dealing with…

-The pound. They say things are expensive but it takes a while to figure out when something says 5 pounds that it’s somewhere around 10 dollars. At first I kept thinking “I’m getting a good deal,” but it started to sink in that those 4 quid value meals were hoodwinking me with the low numbers. I would go broke in the 1st few months but I would catch on eventually. I believe I spent like 40 pounds on…

-Public Transportation. The duplex buses with 2 levels were sort of shocking, the tube (train) wasn’t too confusing but if I thought New Yorkers were unfriendly, the people in the UK are downright pissed at strangers. I got crazy evil looks and no one asked me for directions or anything, that’s kind of cool. Either way, I don’t think I would ever be able to drive a…

-Car. Driving on the right side is something I don’t think I would ever get used to, it doesn’t seem unnatural or anything but I’m just not used to seeing it. I just knew if I was driving I would have turned into oncoming traffic a few times. Even as a pedestrian, I look the wrong way, I’m looking at the passenger side to make eye contact with the driver that isn’t there before I cross. I saw the words “look to the left” painted on the street to help visitors and it literally saved me twice. Speaking of dying…
-The cigarettes that a lot of people smoke out there have the phrase “Smoking Kills” very bold and big on them. Bigger than the brand name.

The signs on the road say “falling asleep at the wheel kills.” I mean they are brutal, no surgeon general warning or giving a possible positive outcome, like stay awake, don’t drink and drive. Nah, everything kills, do it and die. I kind of like that. I don’t smoke anyway but it seems like a good portion of the country does and they have organized smoke breaks. I find that interesting, about as interesting as the…

-Slang. This is something you have to deal with in any new region. I knew cigarettes were fags, but being bent isn’t drunk, it’s gay. So a bent cigarette is a gay fag…and vice versa. The store is the shop, wanking is masturbation, taking a piss at someone is cracking jokes on them and sarcasm is a second language out there. I’m a fan of that.
I’m not a fan of kooky…

-House Music. But I am about to record some and submit it to a label out there so I can make some real money. I’m serious.
None of this stuff makes the UK a bad place but the one thing that would probably halt relocation any time in the near future is what I saw one night in the hood of Brixton. And that is a…

-Fox.

Yea I said it. Not a foxy lady or a hot chick. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fox, not on the wildlife channel, not in a movie; they just don’t get much Hollywood shine other than cartoons. And in the cartoons they’re usually sly or whatever. So when I saw a fox outside the crib that obviously had cancer or had just left a yard fight, it was truly frightening. I hear that they are similar to American rats and that they run in fear or maybe like raccoons, which I am equally uncool with. This was an experience I won’t live down.
Oh yea the shows were good too, they knew the words to my songs, I did radio, finally met DJ 279 and I met some great artists, Dubbledge, Kingpin, Phoenix, Wizard Sleeve, Chloe…DJ Snips, DJ Snuff, and Sumit held me down. Cheers!

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