MONDAY RAMBLE PART 20 “FREE BABY”

You know one thing I was never good at…baby holding. I don’t mean like toddlers or even giant infants that will let you know they’re not feeling you. I’m talking about brand new to the earth, pink faced, weeks old specs of human life with placenta scent still on them. I have no clue why people want me to handle their baby if I look hesitant. I don’t think it’s cute to see some grown man look uncomfy but maybe it’s all for a good chuckle so I’m always down for that.

However, if someone says, “nah I don’t have a gun of my own, I don’t really think I should hold yours” you’re not gonna load it with bullets, hand them your shotty and say, “You’ll learn now.” And babies don’t come with safeties. Ok I’m sorry for comparing infants to weapons but some of you raise your little gangstas with enough neglect that they might as well come with shells but anyway…


Let’s say this is like practice for the real event. And the real event would be me having my own bambino. Then I wouldn’t even think twice, they show me the holding technique again…this time I actually listen, and I go for it. I was never a practice player. My own infant family members didn’t get picked up until they were able to hold their own heads in place. No bobble-head babies was my rule and it still is. And I would have the same caution if I had my own offspring that someone wanted to cradle and measure cuteness in my face. In today’s world, there’s too much multi-tasking, and I don’t need someone trying to text and babyhold on my watch.
Speaking of watches, does anyone else wear watches after the battery stops working? I don’t but I’m just saying, sometimes you have a nice watch and you’re too lazy to get a battery and your phone has the time on it if you really need to know, so you rock the sonofabitch. If someone asks for the time or happens to notice, I just say…I mean, you could say it’s Japanese time or “I think my watch stopped, what the hell?!” Yea I’ve never done that though.

I did get stopped one afternoon by a lady asking for directions and I wanted to tell her to make four rights (you’ll get that later) but I didn’t, all of a sudden I saw a young gentleman wearing a T-shirt that read “Free T-bone.”
I automatically paused mid-sentence thinking this guy was giving out steak coupons or something then it hit me…well after I tracked him down and saw there was a face on the back of his shirt. Wait a minute…T-bone is a human. This is one of those jail release campaign thingies. Dang. Just when I was in the mood for steak, well at least his name wasn’t Ribeye or Porterhouse, then that would’ve really grinded my gears.

I really started thinking about these shirts that folks wear for their homies locked away. I respect the R.I.P shirts, and I’ve even worn a “Free My Thug Friend” shirt before but I didn’t pay for it, and I didn’t know where to wear it. I don’t know if lawyers are presenting thee amount of shirts printed in their cases for clients. “As you can see your honor via Facebook and alltheparties.com, civilians are demanding my client be set free, they are wearing these very expensive, high-quality tees with the hopes that it influences today’s decision”
And I don’t know if a judge ever ruled in anyone’s favor because of the shirts. Maybe that’s what helped John Forte get out. I kind of get doing them for rappers because they’re known so if you have a “Free Lil Wayne” shirt or “Free Remy Ma,” its like you’re cool with them. “Hey look at that guy, he’s upset that his favorite rap person is behind bars, I like that.”

But sometimes, “Free Mandela” and “Free T.I” just don’t have the same connotation.
I think political prisoners make sense on a garment.
I think rapper that shot someone, is slightly different and maybe less likely to deserve shirt love.
But I could be wrong. What happens when they are no longer incarcerated? Do you return it so they can put “Thank you” or “Done” on the back?

I was tempted to start my own “Free Sha” shirt campaign. And when people ask if I were locked up, I would say, “We’re all locked up brother, our bodies are free but our minds are in captivity.” Then I would get all philosophical and try to sell one to them, but I think I may offend the real prison people and I don’t want to do that. One of my homies did get locked recently and I can’t front, I would cop a shirt if his fam was selling it to put in his commissary… somehow I doubt that bread ever goes there though. If I ever see “Free Gucci Mane” shirts in the Gucci store I go to every Monday after I write these, I’m gonna know something’s fishy.

You made it this far, might as well leave a comment, it makes a difference…Thank YOU!

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15 Comments on “MONDAY RAMBLE PART 20 “FREE BABY””

  1. heaven says:

    LMAO @ “wait a minute… T-Bone is a human”
    Hahahaha!!

  2. Keenan3G says:

    This sums up the exact reason why I hate most of those shirts!! “Ya lets wear these shirts so we can free a man who has commited murder, I mean as long as I hear the music he or she puts out its fine. I dont care if he lives next door to me.” People are just funny.

    I know a few people that wear those shirts and dont even know what the dude is in jail for, and like you said ‘that person likes it so they get it”….basically they dick swingin to a sense.
    As always, keep doing your thing man.

  3. Sonic says:

    That Obama picture is priceless.

    And this “Free [insert name here]” business is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard…reminds me of a story:

    Friend: Free [mutual friend]!
    Me: Ah man, what happened?
    Friend: He shot somebody.
    Me. o_O

  4. Great ramble! Where do you get these photos!!!??? Hahaha! The baby behind bars – GOLD!

  5. Yonnie says:

    I used to tell people that I had a minimum weight requirement as it pertains to holding babies. And if I see any Free T.I. paraphernalia…. *long sigh*

  6. Gabrielle says:

    I garuunteeee that when your bambino takes his/her first breath in this world.. you will be front and center to hold that precious creation & all that mambo jambo you said will be out the window… I hope someone takes a picture too… Lol! So you never did that watch thingy huh? I never had an understanding for the “Free lil Lock, stock and two smokin barrels” T-shirts myself.. but nowadayz instead of us being embarrassed for serving time, on some ill and ignorant shit… We get medals, we get fan clubs… But I hardly ever see us rocking a political prisoner on any of em, when I think those shirts are the ones to rock… There are still political prisoners that are locked up till this day, for making a difference for us.. but anywho… I loved this post… *chuckles* bobble-head baby… ha!

  7. Rona says:

    LMBO! Thanks for this. I needed a good laugh. Picturing you holding a bobble head baby staring at it and it staring back at you just made my day. lol

  8. Paul Thompson says:

    keep doin it sha!

  9. Mo says:

    You’re an idiot. I’m reading this stuff and I’m imagining ur face bc anyone that knows u knows ur serious abt these rambles w/o trying to be funny.

  10. LelaBizz says:

    Free Sha! “We’re all locked up brother, our bodies are free but our minds are in captivity.” LOL This one was good 🙂 keep up the good work!!

  11. liz says:

    Enjoying the read so far keeps me smiling in some places sad in other but interesting through-out.

    liz

  12. Cyra Unqiue says:

    Great Stuff! Keep up the great writing!

  13. Cyra Unqiue says:

    Great Stuff! Keep up the great writing! I like it!

  14. DMF says:

    I’m a huge fan of sports as well as hip-hop and I really can’t understand why the same people that wear “Free Weezy” shirts and support him through his mistakes are also the same ones who “disown” a Michael Vick or anyone else who’s fucked up on or off the field.

    Do people know what they’re supporting or are they all just part of a blind “cool” group?

    The same thing is to be said about 2Pac supporters. They get mad that the police never found out who shot him yet they’re all about “No snitching” People have a tendency to contradict themselves.

    A little off topic, I apologize lol.


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