Ask an MC with Sha Stimuli: The 80/20 Rule

Ask an MC with Sha Stimuli: The 80/20 Rule

Ok, I realize some of you out there need therapy, advice, a virtual hug, whatever it may be. And a lot of those things either cost or cause you to leave your home. I am not a licensed physician at all, nor am I a therapist. I am just like you, except I have the heart to tell you the truth when you won’t tell yourself. So ask me about the industry, ask me about relationships, ask me about the best way to steal someone’s lady or how to tell a person they need hygiene help. Go ahead, ask an MC…

Dear Sha,

Does the 80%-20% rule really apply? If a man gets 80% of what he needs at home will he look to an outside source for that 20%?
Is it that they are hoping someone can provide the full 100 or will a man just never be satisfied with one woman?

Lala

Lala,
When Dwayne Wayne got cold feet about marrying Whitley, (A Different World) he went out on a date with fellow faculty member Lisa that he had just met and clicked with. He told Whitley about the outing and told her he had doubts. She said she did too but expressed that she had “doubts, not dates Dwayne.”
So what does that mean? What Mr. Wayne experienced was meeting a woman that had 20% of what his fiancé was lacking. The girl he pursued for years was pretty, shallow, elusive, dependent, sexy, and seemingly 100% of all he wanted. Until he envisioned spending the rest of his life with someone that didn’t have stimulating convo, wasn’t into reading…or math, didn’t share his passion for knowledge, nor was she grounded.
In less than five minutes, he spilled a drink on Whitley and watched her throw the price of her garment in his face and storm out, moments later, he stains Lisa’s sweater and she calmly assures him that it will come out and she’ll live. The writers of A Different World probably didn’t know they were exposing the 80%-20% rule but they were. The breakup between these characters allowed them to get to know themselves more and analyze what they could live with or without.

Does the 80%-20% rule really apply?

Yes, dudes don’t going around consciously thinking about it but they do search for certain things in a mate. Unfortunately, characteristics, credentials, statistics about a person are not always tangible and consistent. A man might say he wants someone attractive, funny, with good hygiene, a sense of fashion, a sexual appetite, independence, shorter than him, sweet, smart, with cooking ability, that likes to clean and will take care of him. Not that these humans don’t exist but the chances of finding this woman would take 3 seasons of a reality show and even then some issues he hadn’t thought of could arise. His dreamgirl may be too independent so he feels inadequate, maybe her sexuality has him questioning how many dudes she’s been with. She may be sweet as hell until she gets jealous as hell. My point is if he looks for characteristics and puts them on his list of things he requires, then he’ll never be satisfied. But that doesn’t stop men from trying to build the ultimate woman by dating more than one. And to be honest, he should. He should openly date until he figures out which girls annoy him, which ones have habits that he couldn’t wake up to and what woman makes him envision walking down the aisle.

If a man gets 80% of what he needs at home will he look to an outside source for that 20%?

The term “wifey” originated because men found the girl that they consider right for them, the one they want to see with their kids, the kind heart or the stable sister that makes him better but that same woman can’t help the fact that she doesn’t have morphing super powers. A week of the same homecooked meal and some nights he may just want some nasty fast food. This is where the other girls come in, they aren’t better, they’re just different. Every man is different though, some are committed and don’t care about the flirting co-worker or the ex that’s still throwing hints. If they’re in, they’re in. Others like variety and feel like nobody’s perfect so they rationalize the wrong. It happens everyday. You had the extra dessert because you’ll work out Monday…that’s how he views the head he got Friday night, he’ll buy u something.

Is it that they are hoping someone can provide the full 100 or will a man just never be satisfied with one woman?

Well to be honest, we all can find everything in one person if we talk to ourselves more and find out who we are. If you know what kind of person you want to be then the person you ultimately choose will compliment that. Some of us settle, or fall into early submission with partners we can’t see ourselves with for eternity. We don’t even wanna hang around em after an orgasm. If deep convo was so important to Dwayne Wayne, why did he pick Whitley in the first place? Why would he want someone more independent if he chose a girl that needed him so much? He picked someone that whined, was superficial, and supported him but wasn’t into his work, he had to analyze what was important to him and put that against losing her. Sometimes we have to weigh what we’re looking for on a scale with who we’re with.

So what’s the answer? The answer is yes he can be satisfied with one woman but the process isn’t simple. Most of us are out here searching for percentages but like Dwayne figured out when he crashed Byron and Whitley’s wedding…it’s about the who…the person. Not the “whats” or the things, or the numbers.
See, Agape is closely related to Phileo when it’s real. Meaning the love for your spouse almost becomes as concrete as the love for your brother, or your sister, or your parents. It sounds crazy but if you’ve ever had a sibling disappoint you and you forgive them like it’s no big deal and you explain to someone, “That’s my brother”…they understand.That’s what it’s like when you truly feel someone. He doesn’t care if she can’t cook, he would rather her attempt a meal that’s subpar than some other chick that’s a chef that treats her LV bag like it’s an offspring. He won’t mind if his lady doesn’t want to satisfy him every single night of the week. He would rather learn what turns wifey on and take bi-weekly romantic evenings than creeping with the girl next door that would gladly offer daily felatio but she uses the word “conversate,” says she’s allergic to church and confessed that threesomes are ok. The haves battle the have-nots and win by a landslide.

The grass always looks greener…always. Sometimes it is because you’re on the wrong lawn other times it’s because you can’t see the other person’s entire yard from where you’re standing. Is your man going to go to a house party and see a pair of cleavage he would love to take down for old time’s sake? Probably yes. But he doesn’t have to.
What I’m talking about is rare. Rarely do we enter situations with little baggage and open hearts…so until then men find someone they dig, and others they dig out.
Others accept the wifey as it, whatever she’s missing is probably less than what he’s missing from her list so he stays faithful. Then there’s the next level where his choice doesn’t depend on whether she reads self-help books, exercises regularly or has Jersey Shore in her DVR…it’s about HER. And whatever comes with her is what he wants. 100%

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