Are You One Of Those People?

I never imagined that I would be behind the curve when it comes to social media. Let me rephrase that…ever since I became familiar with how to navigate, and utilize social sites and apps to my benefit as an artist, I always assumed that I would be able to keep up with any Internet climate shift. Of course my mindset back then was that I would always willingly want to promote my music on every site possible. And now here I am, older than I was years ago, because that’s how time works I guess…and I’m no longer throwing music around in an attempt to gain fans at every chance possible. On top of all that, I just learned that Facebook is for “old people.”

Wait a minute, how did that happen? I need a Snapchat with rainbow vomit or doggy face filters to be young and hip?

No, that can’t be right. Well it is factual if I long to be relevant, but I just turned into one of those people that says things like, “What do I need that for?”

None of these apps and sites happen to be true necessities, so what am I really saying ladies and gentlemen? I’m saying that I’m the type of dude that once uttered the words, “I don’t need a computer at home,” I didn’t care that my TV had a humpback, and I kept my Walkman until after the turn of the century because I was convinced that all CDs skip. I had a Discman when iPods existed, and I used my iPod when everyone was stacking their phones with music. This has always been me.

I fought a losing battle against Twitter when I was trying to fight conformity. My reason was that I didn’t want people to know what I was doing all the time. I shunned Facebook because I couldn’t post my music, and Mark Zuckerberg’s site had a friend limit. I knew for a fact, according to my first cyber-friend Tom, that my circle of “real friends” was way over 5,000.

And plus I had just paid someone to do my page over so I had to ride Myspace until the wheels detached on their own.

I’m the same individual that held onto his Blackberry way beyond its lifespan simply because I liked buttons. Yes I said that out loud. And then I got a Galaxy and told folks that I didn’t want Apple to completely control my life…and I disliked the way iPhone people spoke about Steve Jobs’ products like they were part of a cult. Now I look at myself and I am one of these iPhone-toting, Facebook-posting, Instagram-scrolling, black pot kettle-calling dudes that was laughed at by one of my students when they saw the IG app on my phone’s home screen. “Coach you got IG?” she said with honest laughter. “You’re probably one of those people that just posts pics of their baby all the time.” More laughter ensued.

I am? I am. I am!

I chuckled at myself…and then the scene in the movie with the faded clips of the past played with dramatic music over the montage as you see me contradicting myself over and over. Not only do I have an iPhone that I am overly satisfied with, but I have the nerve to persuade others to join the iCult, and I get bothered when text messages from people come to my phone in the color green instead of blue. I said would never text and drive as if finding the perfect song with one hand while waiting for the light to turn green doesn’t count. I told myself I hated when I called someone and then they texted back, “Hey what’s up, you called me?” Of course I called you. Is my voice that annoying that you would much rather read what I have to say over hearing inflections, pauses, and possibly experience moments of uncomfortable silence?

But now I do that. Am I really one of those people that thinks phone conversations should be reserved for your immediate circle and anyone outside of that should text first? That’s an eccentric concept that makes communication complex, but nowadays that’s almost normal. And to think there was a time when people answered calls without knowing who was calling.

I’m the guy that used to complain about the ignorant music on the radio, and the way New Yorkers don’t sound like New Yorkers, but now I get in my car and I blast “Panda,” and pretend I know the words. The same car that I said I would never let get dirty, no matter how much I had going on. Ask me when was the last time I got my car washed. It was last week…but before that, it was forever ago. But it won’t matter because I’m one of those people that will just mention his kid as an excuse. “Oh I can’t clean because I have a kid.” “I can’t eat right because of the baby.” “It’s the tiny human’s fault that I can’t get to the gym.”

I wonder if I can go 24 hours without mentioning my son at all to anyone outside of my family. I don’t think it’s possible. And why should it be? I’m one of those guys that is so proud of his son, and the kid hasn’t achieved much, other than growing at the rate of a typical human being…yet I must bring up his progression at any chance I get. This is my life. And it is one I could not comprehend until I was deep in it. And now, I must face the mirror and come to grips with this truth-delayer, contradicter, contrarian, and self-serving individual that I have become.

You know how many times I shook my virtual head when one of my peoples couldn’t hang out because they didn’t have a sitter, or they had an obligation to do something with their offspring? It sounded so lame to me. Now I make up excuses to stay in, and I have become the lame one. Pretty soon, I will have my crying baby at the movie theater, I will show his picture to people that don’t ask, I will be the one to bring him to functions where no one else has their kids all because God wanted me to know I was being a jerk when I was judging people in the past. Or maybe God doesn’t care at all, and I was always one of those people. So the next time you point the finger at someone, especially if you’re in your twenties and you hope to be in your thirties one day…do it, go ahead and point the finger. But make it a point to remember who you’re pointing at, and how often, because there may be a time, better yet there’s a high possibility that you will become one of those people.