Monday Ramble #31 Love Hater

So you didn’t get anything for Valentine’s Day, and you’re feeling down about it. You forgot it was Black History Month and totally decided you would focus all of your attention on your social life and your lack of someone in your world that cares enough to send you the very best.
But you don’t really care about Black people anyway. If they don’t know their history by now, they’re not going to get it in the 2 weeks left in the month.
Should you be down about not getting flowers or candy…or a card or some symbol of affection from a loved one…or at least a secret admirer?

Yes you should. Unless you remember being back in school, and seeing the girl with the massive balloons and big ass teddy bear going from class to class, hitting the lunchroom, then the train ride home with Valentine luggage to show off, and you felt lucky that that wasn’t you.

I would hold on to that feeling if I were you, she wasn’t better than you then, and she isn’t now.

I could never get anyone all of that stuff back in school because at some point I would have to be seen with it…and teenage love isn’t that strong. I got someone a gift one year like an idiot back in the days. I don’t remember (too embarrassed to say) what the gift was but I conformed to society’s pagan holiday, and I felt foolish once the person I got the crap for, received junk from other dudes…and everyone knew about it. What was I thinking? I requested a Valentine and got turned down basically. What the hell was that about? If she said yes, what was next?

Now as an adult, we’re still hung up on gifts and monetary displays of adoration. We’re falling for it again.

I know, I know…your co-worker just got some beautiful arrangement sent to her desk right on time. Oh your friend just got proposed to this morning in some special way. Get outta here. That’s sweet.

No it isn’t. They won’t last. People send themselves flowers all the time. If you’re single don’t be discouraged. There’s nothing like being single because number 1 is the best number. Everything else is a downgrade. You’re gonna read a lot of Facebook statuses today that may piss you off.

And there will be expressions of love everywhere. But you know what? Tomorrow is February 15th. And hate will rule again. I’ve seen it. Trust me.

The whole relationship concept is overrated. What’s the point of liking someone, figuring out how much you can tolerate of them, then loving them, then telling them not to mess with anyone else, while you lock yourself down? Then y’all wanna live together, share finances, look at each other change shapes, cross lines of privacy, reveal idiosyncrasies, meet family members then ultimately make offspring and be tied together forever.

My friend you have dodged a bullet. You know how many people were on the verge of breaking up, then Feb 14th rolls around and a good deed makes a couple continue to kill each other slowly? It’s sickening.

You really want to spend your weekends worrying about some human being letting someone else rub on them? You actually think it’s a good idea to be with one person for the rest of your existence?

Variety is the best thing on earth. You don’t even wear the same head scarf two nights in a row…you can’t stand leftovers…if someone says, “huh, what did you say?” and you have to repeat yourself, you’d rather not, you’re above repeating…

So what makes you think you can be with the same person day…then night…then day again, then another evening and they’re still there, and so on until y’all hit the dirt?

Think about it…and you want some damn candy. Go speed dating tonight, get bent, sleep with someone, get up and walk away, feel better for it. Happiness is not around the corner, it’s right here. Look at Oprah Winfrey, she never got married and she’s a billionaire. Tyler Perry’s paid and he’s single. Can that happen to you?

Probably not…but you can have your own reality show looking for love. Ok, so first you may just have to get on a reality show competing for someone else’s love and if you’re a big enough personality you’ll get a spin-off, but that’s not too farfetched.

Speaking of reality shows, I was watching Hell Date the other night on BET and all I could think about were the auditions for the role of the devil. I can imagine a lot of midgets came out competing for that slot, but with only one little line to say, how did they choose?

“You on hell date!” That’s not hard to mess up, I’m sure the competition was intense.

If I were to go on that show as the date from hell, I would be the cheap guy. I would be asking the server about the prices, ordering water and an appetizer for me, cringing after she orders the $25 seafood platter, saying, “No dessert menus, we’re good.”

And I would ask her to go half or itemize what she got and ask for that exact amount. Even without cameras I think that’s a good idea, I may have to have a midget come out and say his line for her to get the joke…but I would still go Dutch.

Why do Dutch people go half anyway? I would hate to be from the country named after that. “I can’t afford this, let’s go Costa Rican.” That would suck. Dutch people should be pissed.
I lost my train of thought. What is a train of thought anyway? Is that a metaphoric symbol for different ideas linked like train cars? Wouldn’t that make it a train of thoughts? And how would you lose that anyway? Even metaphoric trains aren’t tough to find.

I don’t know what I’m talking about, oh I saw some of The Grammys, I watched most of it on Twitter as people commented on everything.

I remember as a kid, I didn’t watch the rock or country performances…now as a grownup, I don’t watch the rock, country or rap performances.

I’m joking, but I know plenty of people expressed their opinions about artists and their wins, how they looked, how they sang so I’m not gonna bore you with more of that. But you can feel free to mention them, Nicki Minaj was_____, Oh man Lady Gaga looked_____, Drake’s hair, Diddy’s speech impediment, Usher did what to Bieber?____. Go ahead, chime in, I’m not hip enough.

Am I still going? This is long as hell.

A lot of folks were upset about Guru not being listed as one of the entertainers that passed away last year. These are the same folks that gave Milli and Vanilli an award…and refused to televise the rap award that The Fresh Prince got for about a decade years ago. Relax people. Enjoy your love day.

You made it this far, might as well leave a comment, it means a lot.

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10 Comments on “Monday Ramble #31 Love Hater”

  1. Renz says:

    Not to mention, all these damn facebook dj’s posting love and break-up dedications on their pages, i.e. Michael Jackson’s “She’s Out of My Life”, smh!!!

  2. Luis says:

    Good read! N I agree with you.. You should make this into a song! It’ll be dope my g v

  3. MATTIK says:

    great ramble, the dutch and train of thoughts part had me dyin.. I dunno if I’m gonna get anything today, it remains to be seen.. it’s tricky tryna figure out what to get somebody you’ve been sleeping with, but aren’t “dating”.. so she’s gettin a dick in a box and thats it! haha

  4. Sonic says:

    I could just imagine the giant raincloud forming above Sha’s head as he wrote this…I kid (kinda).

    This was hilarious, and I agree 100% about getting someone a gift in school; I thought about it, but wasn’t about to have her be like “Oh [Sonic] got me this” and put me on blast, hmph.

    I never thought about the “go Dutch” but you’ve got a point…matter of fact, I have a friend who’s Dutch; I’m gonna ask him about that.

  5. Rita Baffour says:

    I really like this ramble it really made my day. Very funny, yet so true. Everyone goes crazy for one day. When 363 days of the year their either hating each other, or cheating and one day is suppose to make up for it. (oh Please, I have 0 tolerance for B.S.)
    “number 1 is the best number. Everything else is a downgrade.” (Couldn’t have said it any better!)

  6. Gabrielle says:

    ROFLMAO!! Well, you covered everything… Thanks for letting the loners not feel so lonely on this stupid azz holiday… My suns just started going to a new school and I refused to buy any of that Valentines day ishh.. but they came home with a bunch of crap {candy & cards}.. I have never celebrated nor acknowledged any holidays.. the only things that I celebrate are birthdays… So my suns dont expect much… You dont miss what you never had..*shrugs*

    LMAO! @ the devil on Hell date auditions… I would’ve loved to see an episode with you on there being a cheap azz..

    LOL! Lets go Costa Rican, Im sayin that on my next brunch with my friends.. LMAO!!
    As alwayz I love your rambles…

  7. Stahhr says:

    LOL you’re so witty. Your train of thoughts is on track.:)

  8. DatChikMalix says:

    oooohhh maaaannn!!!!DIIEEEDDD!!!

    funniest ish eva…the train of thought thing, DEAD. Going Dutch/Costa Rican, FLATLINEAND BURIED!!!
    i LOVE the randomness
    new to the rambles but believe I’m hooked.

    Great read!


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